Wednesday, March 15, 2006

What Malaysian Astronauts Can Do in Space?

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This is great.

We finally have short listed couple of Malaysians to be blasted off to space. They were celebrated in big way yesterday. The DPM out of the blue assured the Malaysians that the Government is not spending a single cent on the space programme as it is part of the package when we bought the Sukhoi jet fighters (those who can think may ask DPM whether this meant the Government paid more, upfront, for the jets but that besides the point right?)

Anyway, I thought on another issue on our Malaysian Astronauts. A more important issue - what they going to do once they are up in space? I mean the astronauts train up for 18 months to be one and once blasted off to space, what will they do? They cannot be just “goyang kaki” for hours in space, right?

Actually, I would say there are plenty things to do.

For start, they can check whether the teh tarik can indeed be “tarik-ed” in space. Even now, there are rumors that the potential astronauts are being trained at a secret location in Penang mamak restaurant by the best in the teh-tarik business. Of course, this is very similar to the package that the Government negotiated with the Russians for the space deal. The training to tarik the teh tarik is provided free of charge by the restaurant in return for the test results. It is rumored that the said restaurant is planning to send several staff on the next trip so that a branch can be opened in the space station to provide the astronauts, fresh 10 – 20 cents increased roti canai & teh tarik.

Creeping from behind is this issue of haze – it might “balik kampung” to Malaysia in May 2006. Presently, all fingers in Malaysia are pointing to the Indonesians whilst all fingers in Indonesia are pointing to the Malaysians in Indonesia. You with me so far? Are you wondering who the real culprits here? So, whilst they are up there, the Malaysian Astronauts might as well check the hotspots and give an updated report to the Government (in case you are wondering, this is just a gimmick because you cannot see much from space – the problem is pretty much covered under a thick blanket of secrecy, err I mean haze).

Since the environment is a big issue these days (it is the “in” thing now), the Opposition party also wants a say in the “Send Malaysian to Space Project”. They wanted the Astronauts to check how far the reserve forest in the “Semuanya OK” State and in other States has been illegally logged. However, this idea was immediately scrapped before it could lift off (pun intended). It seems that some people felt that there is no need to send astronauts to find out such trivial things, all one needs to do is to tune into TV3 news at 8.00 pm to get the latest information.

On another note, there is a good chance that the spacecraft carrying the Malaysian Astronauts might fly over the State of Johor. To be precise, it might be flying over Causeway. It may provide a good opportunity for the Malaysian Astronauts to check accurately how crooked the scenic bridge will be. Meantime, some Malaysians have other ideas to divert the attention - they are planning to have a big celebration in Johor in conjunction with the by-pass of the space-craft. Already there is a theme writing competition held to pick the theme for the celebration. The theme “Malaysia Boleh! Ye ye…we are one step ahead of Singapore in the race to space...ye, ye” seems to be the likely winner.

Several food & fresh fruit distributors were seen sending foodstuff to the houses of the Astronauts with strict request: test the food under weightlessness of space. No one knows why they want to test under such conditions. A secret survey among the Astronauts reveals that the king of fruits, durian, has been short listed for the trip to space. Actually, this is not a real test but just an excuse for the Malaysian Astronauts to enjoy their durians whilst up in space. This news was somehow leaked out to the Russians who are now wanted to protest against it after the Friday prayers along KLCC (they gathered that this is a Malaysian thing to do).

Meantime some people are wondering whether Pak Lah will be appointing another Cabinet Committee to study the things that the astronauts should be doing whilst they are up there in space. I am sure DPM (who else) will be heading the committee and with several ministries joined in…transportation, communication, education, etc. There is still time to think about things to do in space – perhaps in 18 months time, they can finally put it in writing and faxed it to the space craft just before it is blasted off to space.

By the way, in case you are shaking your head in disbelief, let me assure you that all the above is just a joke…not the part where we are sending astronauts to space, I meant the content of my post above.
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(Filed under Del.icio.us Tag: Jokes)
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